What’s In A Name?

I can probably be blamed for many things in this life, but my name isn’t ever going to be one of them, Oooooh no, not my name!! Never.

That’s because I wasn’t around to choose it at the time; that was my parent’s fault (so don’t you come running to me about it). And yet, at the same time, after living with it for nearly far too many decades to mention, I have by now, gotten rather used to it. I’m quite happy with it in fact.

But this is where the real problem lies… You see a lot of ‘other people’ are happy with it as well, and as a result, they insist on using my name for their own dastardly purposes.


For the record… I am not Andy Robinson the American actor who played the most overlooked screen villain of all time as Scorpio in the film Dirty Harry, the role of Larry Cotton in the film Hellraiser, or even the exiled Cardassian, Elim Gorak in Star Trek’s Deep Space 9.

I am not Andy Robinson, the English Rugby Union coach and now retired player.

Nor am I Andreas Sonny “Andy” Robinson, the English footballer who primarily plays as a central mid-fielder for Gosport Borough (whoever they are).

Or even Andy Robinson, the English comedian from Off the Kerb Productions based in Birmingham back in England (even if my jokes are as funny as my figure). Did I mention I don’t do sports either?

And nor am I any of the other myriad ‘Andy Robinson’ charlatans masquerading as me online these days.

You’re probably now thinking… Some of these people had the name well before I did, but that’s not the point. It’s MY name now, and because of that, I want a full and exclusive use of it!

But why you may ask? Because with all these other (and perhaps more famous) people using it, it makes it very difficult for me (the one and only Andy Robinson) to stand out on any modern Internet search.

I mean, who do you think is more likely to get the most prominence on Google if you type in the name Andy Robinson… the villainous actor who played Scorpio or me, a small world bloke from Brisvegas with an even smaller one man band business to promote?

Now I said at the start that I couldn’t be blamed for my name, but there’s something that perhaps I can be blamed for – and that’s for using it! And that’s because if you want to stand out online, and take advantage of the undoubted free attention and traffic which Google natural (organic is the term) searches can bring you, an unusual, unique or more offbeat name could certainly help you.

I mean, the aforementioned actor Andy Robinson is far less likely to experience the same internet related Andy Robinson problems that I do is he? When he taps his name into Google he’s not going to get an accountant from Underwood or a miniature lion keeper from Coomera (two more impostors appearing before me on a Google search). Neither is he likely to get Andy Robinson the curiously appealing, and relatively popular but microscopically small time entrepreneur from Slacks Creek.

Actually, at some stage you will indeed find me, but it will likely be on page Goooooooooooooooooooogle, not their front page.

So, to steal a popular football chant that a previously listed Andy Robinson might better relate to… There’s only One Andy Robinson!

Well according to Google, there is. And that’s still Mr Robinson the actor. He started out his career as plain old Andrew Jordt, and I suspect he would have faced a lot more competition for search engine attention had things stayed that way without the fame that followed his name change.

And it’s the same story for a lot of other household names too. David Jones would have battled for a lot more attention from plumbers than David Bowie ever has done, Reg Dwight would have probably got lost in a sea of Greengrocers whereas Elton John didn’t, and Richard Hall could have been swamped by listings for lawyers, but Moby never was.

You see, having a unique or unusual name was always important for TV, film and music personalities well before the birth of the internet. But today it’s increasingly important for everyone else too. Especially businesses. And when you’re running a business and someone types your name into Google, you want them to find YOU straight away – not some miserable looking funeral director from Sydney or a well heeled cobbler from the Gold Coast (even more Andy Robinson impostors).

What it all means is that you need to give some careful consideration these days to the name or names you’re using to front your business or enterprises. And depending on the business you’re in, that may mean changing the name you use personally or the name you call your business. And you certainly need to give it a lot more thought than I ever did – which was up until recently, practically none!

But to jump to my own defence here for a moment, I’m so old now (yes, I really am) that there was no internet let alone any Google, when I was making these decisions for the very first time (can you believe that?) I just chose to use a catchy name that was painfully suggestive of the type of business operating behind it, as did many others. But you might not have that excuse these days, particularly if you’re in the early stages of a new venture or business like I am with mine.

Hence LOCALAD SERVICES… How many of those would you find on Google?

Well if my father was still alive you might find his LOCAL LAD services, a 1960’s highly confidential mail order condom supplier to local lads that were far too shy to go visit the chemists when the need ever arose (no pun intended). Or you might find Local Ad services, the same company selling advertising space on the back of local bus and theatre tickets.

But sadly the old man is no longer with us (which could be a relief to some) and so now you will be more likely to find the more ordinary Lad Andy Robinson, writer of god awful posts like this and super-model to the visually impaired, desperately trying to fit in to the Local Australian way of life with his Handyman Assist Home Maintenance Services.

Yes it’s an odd choice of name I’ll grant you, primarily stolen in memory of my seemingly pervy father, but it has at least guaranteed me the top four slots on any organic (unpaid) Google search. And that’s a head start in anyone’s book saving me b’zillions of dollars along the way. And that my friend, is more or less, what this whole post is about.

So, to quickly recap, I may not be the only Andy Robinson in this world but I AM the Handyman Assistant from the ONE and ONLY Localad Services. The only builder in this post today… that by way of delivering this diatribe… has just guaranteed… NOT to bring the house down.

….Silence from the crowd gathered before me.

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